Goodbye Ordinary

Posts Tagged ‘april

Today is day 30! Another MSY Yoga challenge in the books!

I’ve made the intention to do yoga every day from not until the wedding (under 60 days to go), so it’s just the beginning of my “challenge” and the hard part starts tomorrow.

Tonight we had a wonderful class, Sandy led us through a few warm ups and a couple of suns and then just let us flow on our own. I mostly just did suns, but I threw in some wild-things… which led to wheels. Then I felt like wide angle forward fold was a good idea… and a bit later seated wide angle forward fold. It all ended with a delicious savasana. And then we partied.

My fiancé and little monsters came for the party this year and that was great. The kids played with a sweet little toddler that the whole town loves (and she wore them out!) and the mister finally got to meet all the people I’ve been talking about for a month (or for some of them– the entire time he’s known me, which is almost 3 years).

The party–which isn’t only celebrating the challenge, but also the anniversary of MSY– is always one of my favorite events of the year. You actually have time to sit and chat with these amazing people that show up and practice alongside you. You realize how little you know about them, yet you feel like they are family. It’s a hard feeling to put into words… But even without really “knowing” them… These are my people. You know? They fill my cup. I see one of them in the real world and it brightens my day.

it’s also amazing how just being in that space has a similar effect. I open that heavy wooden door and immediately can smell the varnish/paint in the stairwell. Breathing that in (mmm chemicals) is just like when I go into my grandmothers basement.. It doesn’t necessarily smell “good” but the smell just evokes this feeling of security. I’m home. (I’ve talked about this many times).

Tonight Kath talked some, and opened the floor to others, but all I could do was sit there and not cry. I’m ridiculous I know, but I am a very emotional person (see last post lol)  and there is no way I could have said anything without crying. I just love MSY. I love Kath (and Shelly and Sandy). There’s just a lot of love.

I wish that everyone had some version of a place like that. Somewhere to go, let go of the world, and just feel the love.

Rolling up my mat was such a bittersweet moment. We did it! We did 30 days–30 hours of yoga. But damn, I don’t ever want to leave. If/when we move from Mansfield, I know that MSY (and it’s tribe) are going to be one of the few things I will terribly miss, and never ever be able to replace.

And with that, here’s to tomorrow. The real day one.

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Emotions.

Posted on: April 29, 2015

Today is day 29 of the Elite Yoga Challenge. It’s been a breeze this year. The hardest part has been juggling the kids and traveling for childcare on days that my wonderful fiancé can’t make it home from work in time.

I haven’t blogged daily this year (obviously) about the challenge. At first, I meant to. But then I came to the realization that I didn’t need the accountability like in past years. I simply NEEDED the yoga and the companionship from my yoga tribe. So I decided to be intentionally selfish and soak it ALL up myself instead of sharing it. “Be selfish to be selfless”. That sort of thing.

Now that it’s almost over I’ll admit that my (almost ever-present) anxiety is starting to flair up. I have issues. There are 59 days until my wedding. My to-do list for said wedding is still pretty long (though I should actually recompile it so I can start checking things off). I’m dreading being photographed for the wedding because my self esteem is pretty low lately, despite the media push for “body love”. I’m just not there right now.

I have never cried in yoga, though I’ve experienced some fellow yogis have those moments. Yesterday in savasana I did get a little teary eyed. It wasn’t until last night after yoga that I realized just how emotional I was. Unfortunately, it made for an uncomfortable evening.

Today I just feel…. emotional. Kind of drained. Cry-ee if you will. I don’t know what my deal is. The current events unfolding here in the US are probably adding to this feeling. I don’t pretend to understand how any one else feels about the situation, but I just know that it effects everyone, all of our children, and their children.

Every day this month I’ve thought about why I do yoga. The exercise. The friendship. The feeling of safety/ “home” at the studio. The ease of tension. The gratitude. The openness.  The strength. The positivity. The balance. The patience. The courage. The self awareness. The acceptance.

All of these things are why (and countless more).

I’m so thankful that I stepped out of my comfort zone 4.5 years ago and attended my first class at MSY. Shaking like a leaf, walking through that door changed my life.

“Clarity of the mind, Kindness of the words, Compassion of the heart”. <<That is my prayer for ALL human beings today and everyday.

It’s here. The last day of April. The last day of the Main Street Yoga April yoga challenge. Day 30. I am finished. I did it! 30 days for $30.

All those hearts are MINE! 😀 ❤

It’s an ending but also just the beginning as I continue on my journey with The Ultimate Yogi. I get to reacquaint myself with Travis Eliot. I’ll reestablish my love/hate relationship with him (emphasis on the love… though sometimes I really have to grit my teeth during his practices and remember to BREATHE).

The end of the month of April is so bittersweet. I love my fellow Main Street yogarians. The community that Kath has brought together there is just amazing. So much positive qi (chi). You can’t hang out with those people and ever feel like you’re less. They bring out the best of you (well, me).

Looking back on this month, it’s been such a transformative journey already. April started with craziness for me. It was freezing. The morning practices would start in blackness and some days even finish dark. There was frost & the need to blast the heat on high for half of my trip to the studio. The days have now lengthened. The sun is already on the rise when my alarm goes off in the morning, and the sun is still on it’s descent after the evening class is finished. It’s been warm enough to wear a sundress, without also wearing goosebumps. It’s been rainy and miserable. It’s been sunny and beautiful.

Every time I meet my mat, I’m different. The mat, the postures, the space, they are all the same. But I am different. Each time I’m more in tune with my body. Getting to know what it needs, what it means when it feels a certain way. One day I may be vulnerable, the next needy, or strong, weak, wild, spunky, scared, timid, joyful. Some days I’m just existing. Other days I am alive, pulsing with the prana, feeling the breath awaken the dusty depths of my soul.

Every day I am different.

Every time I get on my mat, I am transformed.

Thank you Kath, for the start of this beautiful transformation.

Namaste,

Brin

A big congratulatory “Om” to all of my yogis that completed the April challenge, and to all of those that are starting their own.

 

Another rainy morning here in the mountains.

Another morning where I reluctantly rolled out of bed. The mental chatter this morning was literally: “I don’t want to get out of bed.” “I should get out of bed.” “I don’t even have to pee! Getting out of bed is unnecessary.” “I have to get out of bed. I have yoga.” “I NEED yoga.” “I NEED TO GET OUT OF BED” ***finally schleps out of bed.***

Yes. That was me. The sloth.

It was one of those mornings where I totally understand how sometimes, sloths fall to their deaths from their slowwwwww descent in trees, because they don’t even realize it and they let go of both their hands and feet (err… paws?) at the same time. Boom.

I felt like THAT sloth this morning. My brain wasn’t firing. My body was barely even maintaining the typical 5:45 auto pilot.

I was sleep-walking/driving/moving.

I got to yoga and had a mini heart-attack as “Flo” the Progessive spokeswoman, was standing the door at the insurance broker downstairs next to the beautiful door #10 (it’s a life size cardboard cut-out.. tomorrow i’ll take her picture).

Bam. I’m awake. Thank you Flo.

So it began. The enlivening. The waking up of my neurons. The stretching of my spine. The breathing. The prana.

Class was like a hike up a mountain today. It started slow, warming up, focusing on stretching, lengthening. Then, just as a hike would progress as you know you’re reaching the peak, the pace picked up. We went from slowww suns, to Ashtanga Surya B’s. Helllllo fire in my thighs, there you are. I can honestly say I kind of missed you… though I do hate you (chair pose). Warriors. Pow. Right there. Fire radiating from my core, through my hips, into my legs/thigh. Good Morning!

Then it was time for savasana. I never thought i’d say it, but I was actually disappointed it was time for savasana today. I was ready to ROCK. Let’s do this thing! But, savasana never disappoints and it was sweet and healing. My body stayed buzzing, I stayed wide awake (yes, even at 7am, I stayed awake in savasana). I’m pretty sure I *actually* meditated during that time today. It was new, it was nice.

Then I captured Kath for a conversation, I always feel a little guilty because I’m like *that* annoying student back in school. Let me stay after, or get there early, to trap the teacher into giving me more knowledge, more of their support, their blessing and attention.

Let’s be honest though… I have ALWAYS been *that* student. All through school, any place I ever lived, I was *that* kid. It’s me, so I just have to accept it as normality. Sorry Kath. 😛

I guess it’s the price those teachers pay for having that wisdom and giving it away to students though, so really, I’m just grateful to them… and to myself for having the courage to allow them to pass it on, even just by being in their presence.

I’ll abruptly end this post by letting you in on some humor from my life. Yesterday, I left yoga to go to work, at a very un-yogic atmosphere (and industry). I’m the only one that is even slightly a yogi/hippie/free-spirit type, and it works for me and the company, though I do get some flack about it.

Ridiculous but perfect e-card material? I think so.

Ridiculous but perfect e-card material? I think so.

I walk in and have a realization. I forgot something in the lounge at the studio. So before I even realize it, out comes… “Dang it! I left my granola at yoga!”

My boss looks at me and raises his eyebrows… Like “really?!” and says “Could that statement be ANY more crunchy!?”

It could have. It would have been even better if i’d have had one of my homemade green monster juices in hand that morning. ha.

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Chobani Greek Yogurt: Pear w/ granola

I’m happy to report I got my granola back today.

Day 12.

Namaste,

Brin

Spring is here!

…for today.

I slept horribly last night because apparently something happened to our furnace and both my grandparents and I were awaken to this odd gassy smell… I was convinced we were going to die of CO poisoning… I even checked all the ovens and burners, TWICE. But alas, it was the furnace and my grampa found the problem.

Even so, my alarm went off this morning and I got up. I actually felt pretty decent. Got ready and was pleasantly surprised when I opened the front door and was greeted by the crisp, but just cool, air. It wasn’t freezing! There was no frost! Woooot.

I had a shocking encounter as I got to town this morning, some crazy with a joint in her hand waited on the sidewalk as I got out of my car **before six am!**, to ask me for a lighter. Are you kidding me?

She seemed rather “off”. I gave her a polite “No, I don’t smoke” and went about my way… Creeeeper.

Yoga, day 9.

I did something to my glute in the past few days. It’s sore on the left side. I want to baby it & stretch it out at the same time. I want the lingering pain in it to subside and leave me alone. It’s rather annoying and it’s one of those muscles you can’t even complain about because people raise their eyebrows at you and think dirty thoughts. No people, it’s not ACTUALLY my butt. It’s my MUSCLE. It hurts.

You can tell even the sun is embracing spring, finally. This morning the sun came up early and we got to do our entire practice with the sun beams traveling through the windows. We could see the sun just behind the trees on the horizon. It was beautiful. At least we get a second day of sunshine before the April showers make their appearance. (Bringing along that disgusting smell of WORMS and mud.)

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We did a lot of shouder and hamstring work this morning. I met it with excitement. My shoulders have been SO tight the past few days. It felt amazing to focus so much energy between my shoulders, through my traps, and down in my arms. I could feel my deltoids lengthening. Mmmmmm. It was delicious.

We did some slightly “weird” strap stretch (I say “weird” because it isn’t really, unless you were an onlooker and then I’m sure we looked insane) for our hammy’s and that was yummy too. There is nothing like stretching to start your day.

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My beaten Manduka eko lite mat: Front & center, soaking up the sunshine as it fills the room.

I had an optometrist appointment at 8, so I hung out in the lounge a while then went and got an ice coffee & sat in the sun outside. It was so nice to be able to enjoy the spring day for a few moments. I breathed it all in.

These are the moments we need to hang on to.

Namaste,

Brin

This morning I was awake and out the door in record time. 5 minutes to be exact.

My 5:33am alarm went off and apparently I turned it off in a dead sleep. The 2nd alarm at 5:44am went off and I grabbed my phone, thinking it was the earlier alarm and about to press snooze, until I read the numbers. Crap! I bolted up, ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth, slipped into my TOMS shoes, and dashed out the door. 5:49 is what the clock in my car read. Phew. I’ll be right on track.

And so it began.

Today is going to be one of *those* days. I have a doctor’s appointment that I am dreading. Tomorrow is going to be a bad day at work. All I want is for it to be after 5pm on Friday so that I can be out to dinner with my best friend, who I don’t see anywhere near frequently enough, and I can blissfully forget about the stress in my life.

If only.

This morning’s practice was so “me”. Hip openers. Ahhhh, sweet, sweet, heavenly hip openers. Pigeon = love.

Here’s my daily dose of random tangent: if I was ever in a band (which I wouldn’t be.. unless I was the dancer for one or a groupie or something)… I would totally call it “twisted pigeon”. The thought makes me giggle every time we do that pose and I hear Kath say “twisted pigeon” in her slightly witty tone.

Anyway, I realized today that I have SO much chatter in my head. It doesn’t stop. I breathe, the world stops, but my mind is like “salfjdakljfldjalsjqlajsdafLKDJALSD-RAH!” and it takes that quiet time and it runs so fast, i’m pretty convinced that it is burning a million calories and I should be an extremely sculpted twig for all that it’s doing.

Sadly, it just makes me a giant ball of stress. I don’t want to hear it! GET OUT OF MY HEAD. Even when I make a conscious effort to shut it all off, it’s there. There are moments when I overcome it and I’m like ooooh, listen, the ocean is in my breath. Sweet. And then it’s like… “Hey look, a wave. Someone’s surfing. There’s a party. Must join. Be the center of attention. LOOK AT MEEEEE. I’m heeeere. Helloooooo”. My mind annoys me.

My muscles aren’t strong, though they are pretty flexible. My mind muscle? Obviously is the weakest (and tightest) component. I am stubborn. I do NOT like it when my plans get screwed up, or it turns out that I was wrong. And apparently I have even less control of where my mind goes than I thought I did. Some moments are better than others of course, but geez. I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if I had adult ADHD.

I’m a mess.

So today, I took that mess of a self that I found at yoga, threw on some dress clothes, and off I went to work. Faking it. Faking being put together. Just like sometimes I feel that even in yoga, I’m faking it. Faking “strength”. Faking balance. Faking presence. Because while my poses may look “better” than someone elses, or more advanced… My mind is off the wall. Often times I’m on the verge of a break; Break through? Break down? Psychotic break? I’m not sure.

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From the mat to the office.

This is a reminder that we never really know what is going on inside someone. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Because though I look put together. I’m a mess.

As each breath passes, and each time I get on my mat to confront myself, it gets better though. I change. I grow. I open up. One of these days I’ll realize, I’m not faking it.

Hang in there.

Namaste,

Brin

P.S. My kids were both occupying themselves, so I just decided to pop the Ultimate Yogi Hardcore DVD in and completed that too! 😀 Om!


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