Goodbye Ordinary

Fighting.

Posted on: January 29, 2013

It’s been a few days since my last post.

It really is difficult to keep the commitment of an hour+ of yoga a day, and maintain the blog, so forgive me if it’s sporadic.

Have you ever felt like you’re fighting everything, all the time. Fighting for attention, for recognition, for good/bad, for life, for existence; or even just to fight?

I caught myself in battle mode a few nights ago. I couldn’t quite place it until after yoga last night though.

My mind has been focused on the external factors: Why is everyone being so rude? Why is everyone trying to fight with me about everything? Why do I feel so vulnerable?

But once again… It probably wasn’t everyone else. It’s likely that it’s me. I think so far on my journey, my weaknesses have been coming to the surface. It’s obvious what things are difficult for me, in yoga. My ego, is my biggest weakness, and that’s really hard to admit. I’m a fairly confident person, but I need praise. I need attention. I need to be good at things, or I simply don’t do them.

Last night, my house was freezing so I did my practice in my bedroom instead of the playroom. I don’t know if that was a good or a bad thing (though it was warmer). I have a floor length mirror in there, and the only place my mat would fit, was where I could see myself in that mirror.

That’s when it hit me. In every pose I looked at myself, and I judged. My self conscious was right there, beating me down… and I realized everyone else isn’t trying to fight me. I am. I keep fighting with myself.

So basically, I’m writing this as a way for me to tell myself to give it up. Our biggest critics are in our own minds/bodies/hearts, and we have to let that go and stop the negativity. It truly is useless and just takes up space that could be filled with joy instead.

Now it’s time for Cardio (Day 16).

Namaste,

Brin

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